As part of my leadership coaching training, I was introduced to the Ted Talk: How to tame your Advice Monster (by Michael Bungay Stanier). I loved it. I loved the phrase Advice Monster.
Not only did it explain some of the frustrations I have had in my career as the advisee (intentional or otherwise) but it has also brought awareness to identifying and controlling my advice monster.
I have worked in a fairly male-dominated industry for 20 years, and in my experience my male managers wanted to help me solve my problems and it used to drive me mad….especially because I wasn’t usually asking for it. They didn’t let me get to my “ask”, before their advice monster kicked in. They were trying to be helpful, but I found it everything but.
That is until I had a manager that asked me before I even started talking to him, what I was looking for from him, just to listen, bounce ideas off of, or for help with a solution. I found I walked away so much more satisfied with those conversations, as I got what I needed.
So I have tried really hard to control my advice monster (probably most likely prove my worth and control to keep my armour) by asking the people who I lead, what are they wanting from me at the beginning of our conversation. But I have added these questions to my arsenal and stayed curious longer
- what is the real challenge?
- and what else?
- now that you have done some thinking…what is the real challenge for you”
Although it still rears its ugly head (realistically probably still daily), I am aware of it, can name it and can avoid it some of the times, that is growth right?
